On Friday, October 30 I went in to my local doc to have my staples removed. When the nurse (my super-awesome Mom) took out the second staple a bit of CSF (Cerebrospinal Fluid) leaked out from the incision. This is somewhat normal (from what I understand), and after having the nurse practitioner check it out, we thought all was well. I was feeling fine at this point and as I left I was told to monitor the area for any more leaks and to let them know if I experienced an extremely painful headache. This was the first time Brooke and I had really been out since well before the surgery, so we decided we would stop by the mall for a few minutes and then get some lunch. This was around 9:30 AM.

Once in the mall, Brooke noticed that I had a little more fluid leaking out, although just a very little amount. I had already had a light headache before heading to the doctor, but it was growing a little stronger at this point. Long story short, by 11:00 AM this headache was intense. We called the doctor and we were told to try to get some caffeine in my system to see if it makes any difference. A trip to Starbucks later and I was feeling a bit better, but not great. We decided to forgo lunch and just get home so I could lie down.

By the time I got home, I was pretty much out of my head in pain. By far the worst I’ve felt during this whole ordeal, and, not to be dramatic, probably the most intense pain I’ve felt in my life. I took my heavy duty pain pill and it did nothing to help. The next couple hours are kind of a blur for me, so I can’t tell you a whole lot about what happened. I know that the doctor ordered another high power pain pill for me and it had no effect either. By 4:30 or so I was in the ER.

The on-call neurosurgeon for my group, Dr. Sanders (phenomenal!) and another doctor whose name I can’t remember checked me out and decided to do a spinal tap to collect fluid and try to determine what exactly was going on. The assumption on all parts was that I had meningitis, but they needed to know if it was chemical, viral, or bacterial. The spinal tap was a tad surreal and less than comfortable. The fact that my head felt like it was in a vice was actually a welcome distraction.

The spinal tap results proved to be inconclusive, so they started me on some intense broad-based antibiotics via IV. I stayed in the CCU/ICU the first two days, and I experienced Morphine for the first time. I absolutely hate any drug that impairs my ability to think or communicate, but eventually it gave me relief from the pain (after the first night…that first night there was nothing to be done) so I’m thankful for that.

A few days later they still weren’t getting definitive results from the spinal tap, but it was apparent that I was responding to the antibiotics so the “call” was made that it was bacterial meningitis. The way the infectious disease doctor explained what happened was interesting. He said that meningitis bacteria double every 20 minutes. So in the two hours from when I left the doctor on Friday, and when I started feeling the effects, the bacteria had already multiplied 64 fold. So you can only imagine how much it had increased from 11:00 to 4:30 when I went to the ER. And I pause here to thank my awesome, amazing, and careful wife who really pushed me into finally going to the ER. I was so out of my head that I really wasn’t thinking clearly, and stubborn about going to the hospital. Frankly, people die from bacterial meningitis all the time, and it was her caring persistence (and the hand of God) that I believe saved my life. I’m so grateful. God has been better to me than I deserve, keeping me through a dangerous surgery with very little deficit, and then bringing me through another potentially life-threatening complication. I’m amazed by His goodness.

So I was in the hospital for a week, and then sent home on IV antibiotics for another week. I’ll write about that another time (it’s VERY cool how the home IV works). Brooke was trained on how to administer the IV and take care of the saline “flushes” and the other medicines they have me on. She has to drop everything six times a day (6 AM, 7 AM, 12 PM, 6 PM, 7 PM, and midnight) to take care of me, not to mention dressing my head wound and the million other ways she’s taking care of me. (If you haven’t caught on, Brooke’s an amazing woman.) I’ve got a doctor’s appointment today to check and see how things are progressing and to find out if I have to go back in the hospital to get rid of some swelling I have on the right side of my head. (Hopefully not.) I’ll post more information as I get it, and as always I thank you for your prayers and thoughts towards me and my family.

I woke up this morning to find that a friend had created a Facebook “cause” to pray and fast for me on October 14 – the date of my surgery. To know that there are people that have lives, busy ones full of jobs and school and kids and ministries, that are stopping and pausing to pray, think, and fast for me is unbelievably humbling. Thank you, Jen, for starting this group. I appreciate and love you. I’m overwhelmed by the blessings of God.

I sometimes pass a little church between Knoxville and Clinton that has a sign that they sometimes don’t change for a while. The message for the past several weeks has been, “To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.” Two weeks ago today marked my ninth wedding anniversary. I’m insanely in love with that girl I met at Bible college, and it’s amazing to me that all these years later Brooke still loves me, too. We have four beautiful, healthy children that I love. Wildly. And they love me, too. They run up and throw their little arms around me, and jump up and down when I get home, and squeal when we have tickle fights, and make the same silly faces as their mentally unstable father. I feel the sun all around me. I’m overwhelmed by the blessings of God.

I’m honored to be part of the leadership team for the greatest church on the planet. To know that there’s a group of people that allow me the opportunity to speak into their lives is an amazing award of trust. I’m overwhelmed by the blessings of God.

Those are some big things, but over the past few days I’ve been thinking about the little things, too. Things that I probably haven’t appreciated enough in the moment:

• Experiencing fall in East Tennessee.
• Grilling out hamburgers, and steaks, and whatever else I can get my hands on with my kids playing in the back yard.
• Comfy and thick white athletic socks, pulled on for the first time.
• Finding a My Little Pony crammed in my briefcase when I get to work.
• Tiramisu.
• The Melting Pot.
• The crisp morning air and a warm cup of coffee.
• Democracy.
• Lazy Saturdays at home playing Scrabble.
• Sweater vests.
• Our nightly ritual with the kids (pajamas, brush teeth, read, go to bed, sing, and end with tickles and kisses…every night the same, each time more precious than the one before it).
• Fresh towels in that basket thing that holds the towels…

I could go on and on. I just want you to know, and God to know, that I’m overwhelmed by His blessings. I’ve been blessed more than I deserve, and beyond my ability to repay. I’m overwhelmed by the blessings of God.

I have a brain tumor. But what’s that in the face of all the thousands of blessings I’ve had in my 31 years? Even if my situation were terminal, and my days were few or none at all…I’m overwhelmed by the blessings of God.

“Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.” – Psalm 42:5

Make it your goal today to stop and identify the blessings around you, even if things in your life aren’t perfect. I promise you that you’ll find them if you’ll look. And if you do, I’m sure you’ll end your day saying “I’m overwhelmed by the blessings of God”.

A short while later my mom called me back to let me know that the doctor was reviewing the MRI and talking with the doctor who had originally sent me in. Later that morning my mother called me back to confirm what I already knew – I have a brain tumor. Now, here I need to pause and share something with you. I can honestly say that I haven’t been fearful or worried through all this. To be honest, I expected it. It’s 2009, and I have Dr. Google on speed dial, so this wasn’t a complete surprise. That said, it wasn’t the research or reading that made me feel relaxed. It’s in knowing that God is at work in my life though this. I understand that there are some who may read this and feel uncomfortable with that concept – that God would work through something like this for His own purposes. I believe, however, that’s the only reason God works through anything. I’ve told Him several times over the years that my life is His for whatever He wants, and I’ve meant it. Still do.

Back to the story. The conversation with my mom basically netted the following information: I have a tumor. The tumor is NOT cancerous. It’s big (approximately golf ball size or just under 3 cm in diameter). The situation is hopeful, but serious. There are two different types of tumor this may be; either an acoustic neuroma or a type of meningioma. It’s pretty unusual that either would show up in someone my age. I want to repeat, however, that both are benign – this is a big plus for me. Both types are usually treatable with radiation or surgery. Radiation is preferable, because it’s much less invasive, and much quicker. Surgery poses some high risks and lengthy recovery, with the added bonus of nearly guaranteed, permanent hearing loss (they have to slice through the hearing nerves to get to the tumor).

The problem for me is that given the size and the location of the tumor, toward the back of the brain and pushing on my brain stem, the surgeon recommends against radiation. I tend to trust this doctor’s opinion in this regard as he is the head of the Knoxville Gamma Knife, a device that can deliver highly concentrated radiation and basically “cut out” the tumor – so he’s a pro when it comes to radiation treatment. He’s concerned about exposing the brain stem while trying remove the tumor, which has all kinds of crazy outcomes including paralysis, neurological/motor impairment, and death. I’d obviously like to avoid all, so I’m with doc on this one.

Given the size of the tumor, I’ll probably be referred to Vanderbilt Hospital where apparently there’s a doctor who specializes in the type and size of tumor I’m up against. I won’t know anything definite until Monday, May 18, after I have my first “real” in-office consultation with the neurosurgeon.

Let me share with you a couple of really awesome “God things”:

1. I was supposed to have another test on June 1 to figure out the source of the problem. Because of this, I probably wouldn’t have gotten the results of my MRI until after that date. Because my mother is who she is, where she is, I was able to have same day results. This is beyond amazing to me. No days or weeks of worry or concern. I was provided with immediate understanding of my situation.
2. Because of the size of the tumor and the fact that it is pushing on the brain stem, the doctor was surprised that I haven’t had other issues. Most people with this type of tumor experience dizzyness, nausea, imbalance…and that’s without it pressing on the brain stem. I could be facing some really, really serious issues that I’m not.

This is God at work, and I’m excited to see how He continues to work it out for His glory. In fact, this is what I’m calling my “prayer priority”. I have three:

1. For God to receive the glory through this. However He sees fit.
2. To avoid surgery, if possible.
3. To retain my hearing if surgery is necessary.

If you would help me and my family pray for these things, in this order, we would greatly appreciate it. I’ll be using this blog to keep you in the loop and up to date with everything that happens. Consider it a conversation. You can comment on any post on this blog, and I’ll do my best to respond when possible. Thanks for taking an interest, and by faith we’re going to see God really do something powerful.

Get a better view by clicking this thumbnail. The white is the tumor, not my brain. ;)

I’d also like to thank all our friends and family that have stopped by or sent their warm wishes and congratulations. Thank you for sharing this incredible moment with us. I’ll admit that I had been thinking, “I’m an old pro now – nothing too out of the ordinary here.” But, I have to say, that I forget how much of a miracle the whole process is. As I write this I count my blessings. I have a healthy, beautiful wife, and a matching set of four unbelievably exceptional children.

Speaking of my wife…I love you, Brooke. You’re amazing. Thank you for blessing me with such an incredible family, and giving our children such a wonderful, godly example of what a mother should be. You rock.